I’m not sure why, but my girlfriend is particularly interested in having sex while she’s on her period. I do it to make her happy, but it really actually freaks me out. My dick gets all bloody, and even though a towel is down, it’s a mess. Is there anything I can do to make this not as scary? Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m a dude that hasn’t had a period ever, but truly it makes me want to shudder.
First off, I am a committed believer in completely consensual sex. The fact is, your girlfriend is asking you to do something that you really don’t want to do, and you shouldn’t be expected to do something that makes you anxious. Especially when it comes to sex, a time where trust and connection is very important, you need to do whatever it takes to make yourself feel safe and free.
There are many reasons why she may want to have sex while on her period. Some folks get turned on by the red river, maybe she’s just into it. It may also be helping her with menstrual cramps. I have one girlfriend that makes sure to ejaculate (from penetrative sex) at the beginning of her period, because it releves the pain from her period. Makes sense, muscle contractions from sex may be increasing blood flow and oxygen to her body. Increased oxygen could possibly be subsiding the cramping.
Now, everyone is different, so I’m not sure the reason why she’s “particularly interested” during her period. I think a conversation is in order. Let her know that sex during that time makes you uncomfortable – it’s totally cool to own up to that. Obviously you’re into her because you’ve been fucking whenever she’s been interested in the past, asure her that its just the blood that freaks you out.
Think of things you guys can do instead of red penetration. Maybe you could have mutual jerk-off sessions? Watching each other masturbate can be really hot and informational. You’ll get a chance to see how your partner likes to get off. Memorize and use that later! Instead of vaginal sex, try some anal sex. It may take a little extra time and preparation, but it’s a great alternative. Just remember to go slow and use lots of lube! If she really feels like she needs to have someone vaginally penetrate her, maybe a compromise with a dildo of her choosing? You could fuck her with that while keeping your dick clean and still be engaged in the sex!
First get to chatting. Let her know how you feel and that you’ve been thinking of fun ways to get busy that won’t make you light-headed and dizzy!
I just started dating this guy – he’s awesome! He’s really sweet, we have wonderful, smart conversations and he makes me laugh. I’m adoring everything about him, but the sex is awful. It’s so odd. He’s 28 years old, and really I figured he’d have some experience. So far, it’s been a fumbling, formal-feeling, uncomfortable experience. I’m learning that the main problem is that he is so awkward about anything sex related that I can’t even communicate with him about what I like. I’ll bring up something light-hearted-sexy, his eyes will widen and search for anything in the room to focus on besides my words. It’s getting so frustrating; he’s confident in every other facet of his life, it’s actually surprising how awkward he gets.
Everyone is at their own level. It’s tough developing a healthy sexual relationship with ourselves in the sex-negative culture that we live in – seriously. Cheers to you for wanting to communicate about sex with your new guy!
Since he cant’ seem to focus on you when sex is brought up, offer something else to look at with different types of communicating. You could send him affirming text messages when you’re not together like, “Thinking about you. I really liked it when you gave me slow strokes with that hand-job last night – that felt amazing.” Try to make them specific so he can get opportunities to memorize the activities you respond to. Perhaps eventually these comments could make their way into the bedroom! When it comes to alternative forms of communication like texting or email, do remember that there’s potential for it to be forwarded to others (or if you have my crappy phone, accidentally SENT to someone else – yea). Make sure you are certain it wont get spread around town (unless you don’t care).
When there are times during sex that you enjoy, make sure to vocalize it. Be an example for him! Sometimes we just need permission to be chatty in the sack. If something is feeling good, let him know, “Oh, I like it when you do that.” Don’t feel like you need to change up the way you talk, that could create intimidating pressure for your partner, just say what you feel. There’s actually this HOT video Smitten Kitten did with Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde called “Extra Credit” with wonderful and super sexy examples of clear communication. I love how Dylan Ryan offers up oral sex directions to her explosive orgasms – its inspiring!
You also could find a fun general sex guide and read it together. Take the lead, let him know you wanted to learn more about sex. You could even be flirty about it and ask if you could leave it at his place. Maybe by saying, “Well, I’m fucking you, so do you mind if I leave this here? That way I can access it when I come by.” Chances are he might read it and learn some new tricks – it’s worked for me!
Be patient, especially if you are really digging the person outside of getting in their drawers. Talking about sex can be scary, but really you’ve only got one direction to move in this situation (besides being horizontal). To me it sounds like you both have opportunities to learn about somebody new and yourselves as well. Here’s to the research!
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