Give Yourself Some of that Self Love

At their best, objects can inspire you to slow down your usual roll, can coax your imagination out to play, and can feel like an exciting new lover of their own. Buying yourself an object specifically designed to bring you sexual pleasure can be an act of romancing yourself by demonstrating your commitment to keeping the spark alive in your relationship with yourself.


You grow and change, your sexuality expands over time and responds to life stresses, and after all, you’re spending the rest of your life with yourself! Is any relationship more important to celebrate this Valentine’s Day? 

Solo play gives you space to enter fantasies all on your own and experiment with no expectations of another person. Especially if you’re used to tuning into other people, taking time to tune that same level of attentiveness towards yourself is so important. So many people have stories of discovering new things about themselves by using a new sex toy, including the author of Sex Yourself, (featured this week) who writes about having her first orgasm after years of trying when a friend suggested she buy the Hitachi Magic Wand. 

A self-loving practice of sexuality can be a place where you draw strength and comfort; it can provide inner resourcing to support you in life. So many of us could benefit from spending more time and care on our solo sex practices, and it can be overwhelming to go it alone, so these products are specially picked to help you widen your own horizons. This Valentine’s Day, surprise yourself! No matter what your current relationship status may be, self love is a beautiful thing.


Come As You Are Workbook

Written as a companion to the life-changing, New York Times best-selling Come As You Are, the workbook can be used by anyone regardless of if you’ve read the original or not. If you want to improve your relationship with your own sexuality through brainstorming, mindful body practices, and guided journaling without all the scientific backstory or cultural criticism, pick up this petite volume. 


Sex Yourself

This gentle, loving book by the founder of Good For Her, another wonderful progressive sex toy store like The Smitten Kitten, is all about helping women increase their self pleasure. IF you’re near the beginning of your masturbation journey, or haven’t been able to orgasm yet but want to, Sex Yourself is a wonderful companion for wherever you’re at. IT’s simply written with short paragraphs and lots of pictures and diagrams, but no gimmicks or judgement. This book focuses strictly on cisgender women, but the short section at the end about sex with a partner is open-ended and not heteronormative, so anyone on a journey of self-love regardless of relationship status can benefit from the learnings within. 


The Multi-Orgasmic Man

This book is a considered, thoughtful, guide to Taoist practices and theories of sexuality and a deep dive into cisgender men’s sexual health from a Chinese medicine point of view. If you’re looking to take some time this winter season to deepen your understanding of your body and explore the outer reaches of its possibilities for pleasure and orgasm, this book is for you! It has a section on partnered pleasure that summarizes the points espoused in their companion book, The Multi-Orgasmic Woman, and there is a section on relationships between men as well, but where this book really shines is in encouraging you to tune mindfully into your body and circulating energies.


Pure Wand

The NJOY Pure Wand might just be the ultimate tool to treat yourself. Its dramatic C-curve allows you to lie back and ergonomically grip one reversible end, and the weighty, no-holds-barred stainless steel will open up orgasmic possibilities only dreamed of by other dildos. The Pure Wand is famous for making people squirt and is adored by devoted prostate massagers, but no matter who you are, you can count on the Pure Wand to bring firm pressure to the party. 



Give yourself a rose that never wilts! If you have been stuck in a vibrator rut, this is your sign that it's time to try an air pressure toy. The Rose’s super-strong sensations are unparalleled for arousing blood flow and awakening totally different sensations and orgasms as compared to traditional vibrators. Sometimes called a “suction” toy, the Rose isn’t actually suctioning onto your clitoris, but they way it pulses air back and forth feels to many people like intense, vibrating oral sex. 


Naughty Candy Heart Plug

I can't get over how perfectly shaped the Naughty Candy Heart Plugs are. With a tapered tip swelling into a full body and then coming into a narrow neck perfect for clenching around, this plug would be a great way to play with a feeling of fullness gently. They come in a smaller and larger size, with six different candy heart phrases. My favorite sentiment for self-sex? “Be Mine”

Pro tip: try a thick, oil based lubricant on the Naughty Candy Heart Plug like The Butters Aloe and Shea, and put it in before you’re ready to play. As you gather your water glass, erotica, lube, and light your self-love scented candle, gravity will create a pleasant pressure getting you excited for the amazing time you’re about to have with yourself!


Aneros Syn V 

Aneros toys have been highly regarded for years for providing hands-free prostate massage. This toy is firm and slender, with curves to apply pressure just where you want it. With the new Aneros Syn V, they’ve added highly customizable vibration to the package. Using this expertly-designed tool will allow you to dip your toe in new waters while you touch yourself in whatever ways you already know you love. As if you need another reason to love yourself like so, massaging your prostate is proven to be good for your long term prostate health.



You don’t need another person to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, nor do you need an endless reserve of pep to kiss yourself in the mirror each morning. You just need the Affirmators, a set of cards that you can draw each day with cheeky affirmations for you to deliver to yourself! An example, from the Pleasure card, that I especially love? “I give myself permission to feel pleasure, and I let that pleasure rush into my life in a decadent display of over-the-top-abundance.” Sounds about right for V-day.


Tenga Spinner

The Spinners from Tenga are an excellent way to accessorize your trusty old hand. Just squirt some water-based lube into the toy, then when you squeeze the toy around your penis to add pressure, you’ll also create suction simultaneously. Wowza whatta feeling! What makes the Spinners really special is the spiral of hard plastic encased in soft, squishy TPE. When you slide the toy up and down, the Spinners twist around you, bringing each inch of the unique textures swirling around in patterns. The Spinners don’t have the representational anatomical designs typical of many strokers, leaving your mind to do the imagining and fantasizing. You can even fantasize that you’re making yourself feel so very good-because you are. 


Seagrape Massage Oil

Self massage is a way underrated potential solo sex act. Maybe you do some stretching or yoga when you’re sore, but how often are you lovingly touching your own body with no end goal of orgasm? Especially here in this cold, dry Minnesotan winter, the beautiful, natural, moisturizing oils from Seagrape Apothecary, whose motto is “Turn Self Care Into a Love Affair” will have you blushing under your own touch. 

Pro Tip: Self massage is an amazing way to gather internal resourcing for new or challenging play! If you want to size up to a new bigger butt plug, start by lying on your tummy and massaging your own bum with both hands, circling towards your anus. The combination of slippery massage oil and fragrant deep breaths are sure to have you opening up wide.


Packer Gear Stroker

This stroker is recommended for trans people taking testosterone who have had significant growth in their genitals, or who’ve had metoidioplasty. It is made of  a super stretchy TPR material and with lots of water based lube, can form a suction around you that allows you to pull and stroke through the ridges of the toy to create an oral-like sensation. Give yourself the gift of lots of time to experiment with the Packer Gear Stroker, lots of people figure out new ways to use it after lots of open-ended playing around. 

Pro tip: try combining the stroker with other toys! Using it after pumping can help get you big enough to fill the toy, or try pressing a vibrator to the tip to feel the vibration enveloping you in a totally different way. 

Fun Factory Sundaze

The Fun Factory Sundaze is guaranteed to add new sensations to your toy drawer, even if you think you’ve tried it all-Sundaze is unlike any other. With their stronic pulsator technology in a petite toy with a vibrating motor in the shaft as well, the Sundaze provides subtler, tapping sensations and gentle vibrations. Fun Factory presets the Sundaze with fifteen curated pattern combinations of pulsing and vibrating, and lets you save your favorite setting, so you can draw out your lazy Sunday solo warm up as long as you wish.


Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Essential

This amazing penis vibrator from Hot Octopuss has “solo” right in the name! This would make an incredible first toy for someone seeking explosive, intense sensations you can usually only get from a toy of this caliber. If you’re used to doing all the work in your self pleasure sessions, try letting this toy take over and see where you go when you’re not holding the reins. The best part? You don’t need an erection to get off using the Pulse Solo!  Some people find that this toy will make them hard even if that doesn’t usually happen, and for many people, it feels amazing and makes them orgasm, no erection needed.