When Your Sweetie's Member Seems Too Big to Fit In your Butt

When we opened Smitten Kitten twenty years ago, it was because we personally needed a store just like this! JP, Smitten Kitten's Owner, has always been and still is one of our best customers.

This year JP (they/them/their) had a sexual goal to bottom for a cutie sporting a much larger tool than they had previously accommodated. This was a big challenge, but with the desire to try, a plan to make it happen and lots of practice they were ultimately successful. 

Note: Personal goals and experiences will vary. However, Smitten Kitten can be a resource for you too!

1. Desire

Often the word "desire" is used as a synonym for libido or horniness. However, in this case, we are NOT using the word like this, but instead using "desire" to mean a more general sexual want or goal.

In this case, JP had a personal sexual goal to enjoy anal sex with a partner who also loves this activity. As they got to know each other better, it became clear that there was a mismatch in his genital size and their bottoming ability! 

Trust us when we say that this is a very common challenge for couples exploring anal intimacy and pleasure together.

In fact, this is one of the top questions Smitten Kitten Sex Educators field. We hope the following strategy will help you just like it did our very own CEO!

2. A Plan

Note: JP's plan didn't start from scratch because they were already well versed in all of the anal sex, pleasure and health basics!

This blog post won't cover things like understanding anatomy, in-the-moment-techniques, helpful positions, or the ins-and-outs of lubricant choices.

If you would like to catch up on these things and much more, get our favorite book on the topic, Anal Sex Basics by fellow sex toy store owner and sex educator, Carlyle Jansen.

Anal Dilators (NOT butt plugs)

JP's plan started with this incredibly helpful Anal Dilator Set by b-Vibe, our favorite anal pleasure toy specialists! Learn more about why these are our favorite recommendations for folks learning to size-up their bottoming skills:

Wide Neck

You might have noticed that most butt plugs have a very narrow neck, but these dilators do NOT. This is a very important feature because these dilators are designed to help the anus practice relaxing in an OPEN position. This is a crucial skill for bottoms to learn how to accommodate larger penises or dildos. 

Note: Because these dilators have that nice thick neck, they will not stay in without being held in place.

Solid Safety Glass

The material choice is key! First, the smooth coolness of the glass is delightfully friction-free. Thus these dilators slide in easily with the assistance of your favorite lubricant. Second, the solid glass is hefty and the weight of the dilator helps the sphincter muscles of the anus relax. Lastly, these glass dilators are easy to clean and care for!

Graduated Sizes

This anal dilator set comes with four sizes from small to extra large. Users can enjoy inserting each size sequentially from the smallest to the largest. Work-up in size, over time, until your bottom feels great accommodating each one and ultimately your sweetie's erection! Remember, you don't have to work through all of the sizes if you don't want/need to! Stop when you have reached your goal!

3. Practice

Bottoming, like any worthwhile endeavor, takes skills that can be improved with practice! When we say "practice" we mean slowly and gradually introducing the anus and rectum to insertion. The goal is to always create a positive and pleasurable sensation for your bottom even as you gradually size-up. Trust, the anus and rectum are cable of great and pleasurable expansion but only if they are respected and treated with thoughtfulness and care along the way!

Note: Any pain associated with anal penetration is not only NOT productive but can set your bottoming back whether by injury or the introduction of feelings like anxiety, tension, or distress! For best results, keep it all pleasurable!

Start Small

Warm up your bottom with some gentle external massage around the anal opening. Use plenty of your favorite anal lubricant and and then begin penetration with the smallest, perfectly comfortable, insertion size. This will vary from bottom to bottom and will also vary for the same person over time! Expect to experiment a little at the beginning of each practice session. Spend time relaxing your bottom around each size dilator and enjoy the pleasurable feelings that flow. 

Add Sexual Stimulation

As you practice with your dilators, you may find that your body desires more sexual stimulation. Go ahead and add genital massage, vibration, kissing, oral sex, sexy reading or anything else that would make you feel good in the moment!

Pro Tip: JP found that gentle and rhythmic tapping (just with a finger) on the bottom of the dilator transmitted deeply pleasurable sensations! Try it and see if you like it too!

Listen to Your Body

Your bottom will let you know when it's time to increase in size or when it's time to stop all together! It's really important to honor and respect your bottom's choice in this matter. Remember, what worked great one day, may not the next and that's to be expected!

Perhaps the most important part of the practice of bottoming has nothing to do with your body's technical abilities to accommodate various sizes but is, in fact, your ability to listen to your body and give it what it needs in the moment! 

Bonus Tip

Bottom Confidence

Many folks worry about cleanliness when they are bottoming. This was a worry for JP too!

Luckily, Smitten
Kitten sells a variety of bulb enemas (sometimes called bulb douches) designed to gently rinse the anus and rectum in preparation for bottoming.


Bulb Enema Quick Start Reference

  • Start with plain, body-temp water. Make sure the water temperature is not too cold or too hot! Any significant variation in water temp (as compared to your body temperature) will cause cramping! 

  • Don't add any soaps, cleansers, fragrances or other additives to the water. In this case, plain water is the way to go! 

  • Start with the bulb full of water. Any air-space inside the bulb will make squeezing the water into your rectum more difficult.

  • Insert the lubricated nozzle at least two inches inside. This way you are sure to be depositing water inside the rectum and not just around the sphincter muscle. 

  • After you squirt a little bit of water (any amount that feels right to you) in the rectum wait for a few seconds and release the liquid back into the toilet. 

  • Repeat this process a few times or until the water is clear.

  • Perhaps most importantly, wait a FEW HOURS after douching before enjoying anal sex. This time allows your body to restore balance, absorb excess water, and regain the protective mucous lining that you rinsed out during your douche.